Friday, March 14, 2014

Thursday, March 13, 2014

What Do You Hear?

I should have run this evening, but I have a long run in the morning. Sounds good and happy...

Except I don't feel like doing that particular long run. I'd hoped to shift my schedule a little, get into Austin early, run, shower, and get into work late. The effect: I'll work late, get home late, and see my daughter late without the option of changing my mind as the day wears on. 

I wish I'd listened to my heart and my body today and headed out to my favorite trail. My kiddo was still on her Spring Break vacation, and I wouldn't have been missed. I could have run again tomorrow evening without too much psoas soreness if I kept both distances short. 

Girl, are you learning anything yet?

Listen more. 


Friday, February 14, 2014

Morning Commute

Sunlight? Really?

The truck behind me with his brights on. 

The guy in from of me using a Q-tip in his ear. Does he keep the fresh ones in his glove box for easy access? Where does he put the used ones?

The kid at the stoplight by IT opens his car door to lean out and spit on the pavement. 

I am happy in my car. Sunglasses. Music. Coffee. Running late. Driving easy. 

Friday, February 7, 2014

It's a Bloggy Blog World

Whew, I can barely keep up with the busy-ness I've created! I tried to take my Christmas tree down this past weekend and got 75% of the way through the project. I have hopes for this weekend. 

I adore my new job and my quiet office space. The lighting is just right and I have a bit more autonomy. It's also busier. Being new isn't easy, and the job itself is reactive to the needs that land themselves in my inbox. Now! Everyone needs this done now!  So I do. Mistakes have been minimal and comraderie has been maximal!  I like this play yard. 

I'm not sure when my commute grew, but the hour drive in the morning has started to seem longer that the finite time that it actually is. Add a traffic accident, and it can take me two hours to get home. Cranky girl. 

All is well, really. I haven't felt the need to write much because everything good or bad passes and I feel observant. I don't feel chatty on many subjects. If you talk too much, it blocks the view. 

I love and live and laugh and cry. I'm experiencing life more and more thoroughly as I mature. Maybe I feel like I've lost the need to desperately grasp at life. Even the senseless pain that comes with this existence seems to belong somehow. I don't expect to understand. 

Expectations cause problems. Observation is not necessarily inaction, but certainly prevents a lot of unnecessary reactivity. 


My sweet Baby J



A hat I knitted. 



An outfit I'm in lust with 



My family was a guest of The Beach Boys. J enjoyed spending time w Mike Love and discussing songwriting. She got to sing and dance onstage, too. 



Ridiculous me









Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Bandera 2014

That's how running is supposed to be! My left quad held out just fine, though I pulled my left glute in mile 6. I'm pretty sure it's psoas related, and I was able to manage it to finish out the next 9.5 miles. 

The rocky hills (mountains) were so steep sometimes that I actually felt my body pulling backwards and I had to quickly lean into the terrain to keep from tumbling back. On the descents, I learned to plant my feet at a 45 degree angle, lean back, and ski the dirt or skree (loose rocks) until I could get my feet running under me at a super shortened stride again. Wow. 

My events lately have been the best of the best. Despite what you see in the picture, the journey has turned from lonely survival to meditative movement. 

I am my truest possible self in these moments. There is no need for explanation. 





Wednesday, January 8, 2014

On the Road Again

Off-Road, really. The point is, I'm heading back to Bandera for a repeat of last year's 25k. This run last year was the beginning of a long stretch of health issues, a couple of which still plague me today. 

This is the most difficult run I've ever done. I'm repeating the same mileage but this time I have the benefit of experience. I'll know where I am and what's ahead. I pray that my left quad holds strong, and pulling that muscle is my biggest fear this weekend. Fear is not my friend; it isn't a helpful tool in this case. 

I'll run alone and finish alone. Maybe a few race organizers will give me a shout when I cross the final mat, but there will be no love or glory. The only warmth in that medal will be generated by my own body heat. Loneliness is not my friend; I accept that life moments can be fulfilling and relished in solitude. 

The craggy rocks and insane cliff-like hills bring out the survivor in me. I love this sport because when there are miles of tough terrain to go, there is a sparkle of life inside me that will NOT QUIT. It surprises me every time because I still hold a deep belief that I am a fraud, a quitter, a loser, and I don't belong. My actions prove otherwise when push comes to shove. 

You, who told me I was a nobody, and that I would never be anything, were wrong. I believed you. Your words still hurt me. 

I am a finisher, a winner, and I belong. I smile at the girl in the mirror. She is me. 

Saturday, December 14, 2013

Saturday!

I get to start my day with yoga!

Most of my days start with work, and my evenings are family and exercise time. Weekends and holidays spoil me rotten. 

There's nothing I'd rather do today than dawn yoga in my quiet home until my sleepy girl wakes up. 

I'm training for Bandera now, and that's a running term I'm trying to interpret more kindly than I have in the past. Bandera 2012 left me with pain; I taped the injuries in place and ran a half marathon event the following morning. My injuries progressed, followed by a lung infection. I think my training had a lot of influence on the concluding hip fracture. 

New "training" has meant running appropriate amounts throughout the week but also including other types of exercise on my non-running days. It means proper recovery after events. I'll also need to taper the week before, which always leaves me feeling empty, cranky, useless, and fidgety. 

Tapering

By , About.com Guide

Definition: Tapering is the training phase right before a long distance event, such as a marathon, when a runner starts to cut back on his or her mileage. Marathoners typically start tapering 2-3 weeks before their race. This reduced training phase gives runners a chance to rest, recover, and mentally prepare for their race.

I've also learned that I'm more likely to injure myself in yoga if I'm taking a class, as opposed to following my own practice at home. I listen in better. My intuition somehow guides me to areas that need me, and away from areas that need rest. I can offer kindness to my body more specifically throughout my run, because I listened to it in yoga. 

Today is Satuday. Yoga day. 

Monday, December 9, 2013

Decker Done

I have no idea why I was doubting Decker. I postponed signup until the day before, and wasn't really thrilled to run it for any reason other than to keep up my training. 

I seem to have a love/hate thing going on with events. 

This one was only perfection. 

I started easy, thinking I'd intentionally place late in the game. I just wanted to love the run and forget the clock. I wanted to yoga breathe my way through it. So many runs in the past have been riddled with negative emotion. 

I truly stripped myself of all preconceived notion, and ran from my heart. What does than even mean? Give me better concrete language... 

Inhale for two, exhale for three. Keep picking up my feet and setting them down, tap, tap, tap on the pavement. Open my stride and stretch into the downhills. Baby step the up hills and breathe just as easily to the top. Walk? I just didn't feel the need. 

The mileage signs ticked away before my eyes. Another one? I'm not ready to be done. I'm here. I'm present. 

I am me, undefined. 

My time turned out to be just a few minutes off from my best record, before my hip fracture and lung infection. The biggest difference between then and now is that I'm no longer angry or depressed or alone or left behind. 

I belong. 

I did sign up for Bandera, 5 weeks away. I do have an ego, but I know I'm doing this next run for the right reasons. 

Saturday, December 7, 2013

Decker 2013

Baby, it's really cold out there. Motivation is the toughest layer! This is always a chilly, hilly street race. I'm well trained for this half marathon, and there's no reason to skip out tomorrow. 

Today is the t-shirt cutoff deadline for Bandera. I thought I was solid on my plans, but today I'm rethinking. Life is funny that way. 

Can I add five miles of crazy muddy, rocky terrain in a few weeks? Is it worth the travel and cost, especially given the holidays? Why am I suddenly feeling like accepting a challenge I had dismissed as unsafe for my body?

I've discovered a very gentle new stretch for my hip that has kept my soreness to an amazing minimum. I've also been avoiding yoga classes and doing my own practice, after noticing that my biggest pains came after attending classes. 

There's also my ego's desire to push forward, prove that I'm something. I am here!  See me! You can't dismiss me so easily! I run in the face of the deepest pain and refuse to feel it. Hmm. 

The best of it is my heart's love for the sport, digging deep into my muscles and breath to feel something bigger than myself. Moving through the environment in which my body lives, in this primal form. Meeting others with their own motivations, missing limbs and still perservering towards their goals. All of us together, bruised, bleeding, crying tears of joy at the finish. 

I acknowledge all these feelings, conflicting goals and desires. I have the day to decide, and even then, a t-shirt deadline doesn't govern me. 

I love, I run, I am me, through it all. 

Saturday, October 12, 2013

Why Running is Awesome (for me)

The wildlife
The smells of Texas remind me of my grandparents
In the end, I survive ***
I feel healthy afterwards
It makes my body look like a race car 
I meet strong people
It keeps depression to minimum
I sweat like no other sport
I try harder to eat good nutrition
Helps me abstain from alcohol
It's ok not to be the best: good lesson to learn
My friends think I'm one of the strong people
Sometimes I actually feel like I belong
I believe humans should run
Excellent cross training 

Why Running Sux (for me)

I never feel "good enough" ***
It brings up feelings of loneliness 
I'll never be a contender
I have skin damage from sun ***
Gear and events are expensive
Takes time from family 
Keeps me from other sports
I'm too competitive
I bring down other peoples runs w my complaining, panicking, and negative attitude ***
Injuries are serious ***

Friday, October 11, 2013

Three

Trail running
Making lists
Honest conversations
Pretending that hallways are fashion runways
Stomach muscles
Promotions and raises (thanks, Big Bro!)
Learning about different cultures
Cheese shops, and the word fromage
Minimalism
Unexpected days off
Refinishing furniture
A sliver of a moon
Chopsticks
Dog parks
Heated car seats
Sleeping in
Knowing what I'm talking about
Unexpected kindness
Angora gloves
Neatly stacked towels
Sweet potato pie
Middle school choir concerts
Opening the sunroof on a pretty day
BFF's who say they love me
Heated car seats
Green traffic lights
Extra long hugs
Hot lunches in cold offices
Washing my feet
Hope

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Monday, October 7, 2013

Deux

Gardening
Washing my feet
Fluffy pillows 
Heated car seats on sore muscles
Slightly sunburned skin
Ice cream trucks
Finding lost things
A tall glass of water
Painted toenails
Patriotic duties
Sparkly eyeshadow
Fresh picked warm tomatoes
Samba, bossa, and ipanema dreams
Roller skating
Running next to a train
Reading anything
Sticky notes
Hand lotion
Hips that don't hurt
My guru
Designing rooms indoors or out
Poetry
Traffic that flows
Shoveling rocks and digging holes
Cutting my own bangs 
Celebrating birthdays and silly holidays
Silly humor, always
Riding my daughter's bike
Finding contentment in the loneliness 
Windy days
Heirloom cannas
Turning the radio waaaay up
Massages
Going offline
Afternoon naps
Catalogues
Exploring new places
Letting go of anything useless
Funny papers
Taking pics like a tourist
Juicing
Nag champa incense
Homemade popsicles
Flipping crepes in the air 
Swinging on playground swings
Candles
Neighborhood kids laughing 
Swimming in natural bodies of water
Kickboxing
Fresh beginnings 
Painting
Pretty necklaces
Smiling
Silent eating meditation
New spiral notebooks
Looking at photo albums
Time to myself

Friday, October 4, 2013

Happy Things

Things that always make my day:

Shopping
Yoga, and yoga friends
Really good restaurant food
Cooking at home
Dancing in the kitchen
Long showers with nice soap
Anything about my daughter
A fresh can of tennis balls
Phone calls from friends
Good books
Fresh fruit
Sitting on my patio
Laying on the couch downstairs and listening to the house
Netflix
Just enough wine
Compliments
Walking to my car after work
People who come visit me at my desk
My treadmill
Peeling off wet, sweaty clothes and leaving them on the floor for C to step on
Ordering pizza with a coupon
Petting my pets
Going to bed after cleaning house all day
Thinking about my gramma
Listening to Tara Brach or Joyce Mayer
Playing my flute
Fresh sheets and pillowcases
Picking earrings in the morning
Jeans that hug real snug
Movie theaters that serve dinner
Live music
Kisses so soft they feel like shared breath
Driving places
Buying flowers at the grocery store
Hand washing dishes
Bills with no amount due
Anything lemon flavored or scented
Ginger tea for one
Being quiet
Garlic beginning to waft from the oven
Cottage style gardens
Inspirational Facebook quotes
Being missed
Money in the bank
Rainbows made from lawn sprinklers
Cardinals
Feeling cuddly in pajamas
Sewing
No mail in the mailbox
Hot cars
Good intuition
Spa days
My religious beliefs
Remembering trash day
Running for charities
Waking early on weekends
My favorite quilt 
Sunbeams breaking through the clouds
Beach visits
Acceptance and openness to outcomes
French press
Dawn's rosy fingers and any Homeric reference 
Hot chocolate at the Driskill
Art
Inside out underwear and backwards yoga pants
Visiting friends
Random texts 
Making people feel happy
Love



Labels

I dared to actually discuss my darker demons, and was called "fragile". 

I think someone who faces their issues and triumphs time after time is actually stronger than someone who leads a charmed life and never has the opportunity to succeed in the battlefield of their own mind. 

My dragons breathe fire. I feel their heat and take the burn. 

I live. Every time. 

That makes me pretty fucking strong. 

Fragile my ass. 

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Another One Bites the Dust

I hate having salad for dinner!!!  I made it as "special" as possible, but let's get real. Salad is salad. My salmon burger patty on the side was blah but I focused on feeling gratitude for the food in front of me, and the company next to me. Sans salt, artificial ingredients, cheese, or alcohol, my meal was fulfilling in other ways. 

The payoff continued through this morning when I stepped on my scale. Oh sweet numbers, you are being kind to me. The truth is, I'm working hard for you. Five more to go until I see my previous running weight. Thirty days doesn't feel long yet. 

I have a long run tonight, a short run tomorrow, and a 5k for a worthy cause on Saturday in Dallas. Some of those runs will rock, some will roll, and some will roll me over!  You never know, when it comes to this extreme sport. I must be dedicated, or I wouldn't be inspired to make these health changes. I must really want it. 

All signs point to yes. 


Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Two

Going for thirty. I won't only blog about that topic, but I don't feel like I can shout it out, either. I'll mention it once in awhile. If it gets hard, I'll cry about it then bitch here. ;)

I haven't been going overboard, but for general health reasons, I'm quitting any beer/vino/anything else I get desperate to guzzle for thirty days. 

In other news, my garden is undergoing a mega overhaul this week. My backyard is suffering a serious case of bindweed, and rather than battle that another season, I am removing the veggies and installing some hardy Texas perennials. It will be much less work and exercise every week, and certainly less nutrition. No less joy. After the major work is done, I'll consider a container veggie garden, but no promises there. 

The job front looks amazing, assuming I want to stay full time and at this particular organization. There are two positions open, and one of those I really like.  I got a call about the superstar position Thursday, and again today. I don't want to discuss the other since I'm focusing on the one. 

Teaching yoga...  I've lost faith in my abilities to teach. I also don't think the timing is right financially. Even if those things aren't true, my perspective doesn't allow them to be true right now. I haven't  been able to work on my self-study, and tying it to running was a terrible choice. All I feel today is stress about the project.  It's really more important that I love my own yoga practice, and I do.

I might get to see my Dom this weekend, or my Lisa. I love my friends :) though it sometimes feels that the only unedited outlet I really have is this blog. Facebook is hardly a place to let anything real out! Here, I can say anything I want without hoping for a reply. I don't care if I offend, because this is my home, and my place to be raw, ugly, and beautiful. Judge if you please and I don't have to care. 

I'll send some pics from the State Fair.

Sober fun ;)

Oh yeah, I almost forgot... I logged 21.58 miles last week. That was really nice. I'm so happy to be taking control of my health again. No more than 23 this week!






Sunday, September 22, 2013

Imperfection

My suffering caused somebody else to suffer today. Actually, two people suffered. For each of us, it was very real. 

If I'd known it would have turned out that way, I would have done something different. I still don't know what. 

I was so self-absorbed, I couldn't see the effects I was having on other people. I was selfish and thinking only of yours truly. 

There comes a point when your actions create a path that you don't necessarily control. We're not alone in this world. I acted as if I was. I tried to keep on my own path, but I failed. I was stepping on people by the end. 

I've spent an entire day feeling like my "old" self. I feel stupid, worthless, and undeserving of any kindness. I don't feel like I can breathe. I wish I could run away from life. 

I hate that I caused someone to feel exactly the kind of pain that I know so well. Lost. Left. Alone. It's horrible. 

I'm sorry. I can try better next time, no matter what crisis I feel. I can be more aware. 

I can. 

I'm so sorry. 

Sunday, September 8, 2013

Season III, Episode 1

If you want to delve into the guts of your mind, exercise. It doesn't have to be hard, just commit to moving around a bit for a certain period of time. 

The stuff your brain throws at you is amazing. Sometimes it's like cleaning a garbage disposal. At its best, it's elation. What's really interesting is that you can have several planes of moods, thoughts, and even physical states. Like developing orchestra listening skills, you can get really good at tuning in, or tuning out, certain sections of yourself. 

First run of the season, Water to Thrive, which helps dig wells in Africa. It was a sunny Texas day and my legs felt great through the end. I walked a bit thanks to that heat, but still had a great time.  


Thursday, August 29, 2013

Change a Little a Lot or Don't

I've been working hard on my yoga study lately, and all that writing has left me a bit dry. Between paragraphs, I run. I promised myself I would do more crosstraining and do my "dynamic" warmups. Am I? No. I forget sometimes when I'm at home, and out on the trails, I just feel silly kicking my legs in different directions when I could be... running.

My hip is definitely better, and I still guage the intensity of my workouts based on how much pain I have left from the previous workout. Stretching causes the most pain and can leave me sore for days. I had a rest day yesterday, but I sat in cross-legged position for a little while in my chair at work and then later at home to stretch that pesky psoas. The fracture itself is healed.

I am a very slow runner now. When I think I'm running fast, my Garmin assures me that things have changed. When I push forward, my legs laugh at me. I can't believe that pace I was running before, and even that slow rate was considered slow. I had worked up to a somewhat uncomfortable 8:30 mile per hour, but couldn't maintain that more than a mile at a time. Now, I'm JOGGING at around 11:30, when I think I'm doing great. That is pretty great.

Its just that I had promised I would make all these changes, and I've only made a couple. I am happy to say that I have found the joy in running. I feel like this season is on my terms. I say when; I say how much. My goals don't govern me, and I'll decide what they are as I go along. I'm not committing to any events that are more than a couple months out. Overall, this makes my training runs so much more blissful. I think I'll enjoy the events more, too.

I'm also acheiving the goal of teaching yoga. It's really happening. I'm also a bit stuck in this goal. I have been at this particular desk job for a very long time now, and it offers as much stability as any jobn can. Is it smart to leave it? It looks like we can actually afford it, but I won't be able to pay off my student loans or my car as quickly. I would be around for my kiddo more, and actually feel more present when I am home. I am usually so burned out by the time I get home that I go on autopilot to make dinner, make sure the kiddo has her homework done, and spend a little time with her before she goes to bed. If it's a workout night, I feel like I'm completely neglecting her. I do believe that fitness is a very important part of life, especially considering that I sit on my ass all day, including the typical 1.5 hour commute. But my kiddo is more important.

I also have an issue with knowing whether or not to rely on someone else for my income. I don't know that I can ever bring myself to let go of my paycheck. I don't know that I can ever trust someone to be financially responsible for me. I also don't know if this is a symptom of my marriage, or if it applies in general. I also don't know if I'm supposed to be married. Sometimes it seems good. Sometimes it seems really, really bad. Most of the time I wish I was completely independent, but then again, I don't know if this is a symptom of my marriage.

How do people make big decisions? How on earth do I decide about yoga, when the issue is my marriage?

I run. I make her dinner. I nap after work when I should be playing a card game.

I love her so much, and I all I really want is to be a MOM.

Monday, August 19, 2013

Coming Soon!!

I bought my website and set up a Facebook and Twitter page. 

You'll find me and my joys listed as Radiant Soul Yoga. 

www.RadiantSoulYoga.com coming soon to a computer near you!!  Facebook is active now ;)

Thursday, August 8, 2013

So Simple

“She walks in beauty, like the night

of cloudless climes and starry skies."

LORD BYRON


Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Oh!

Well, this will seem obvious to you. 

I have had an issue in my races in that I continuously step off the path and let runners behind me pass. Then I spend the next few minutes of my run pissed at myself. It's hard to breathe with a lump in my throat. 

I kept thinking I did this because I wanted to run alone, quietly. Btw- it didn't work. There was always another runner behind me. I was always convinced I was finally in last place, yet there was an endless supply of runners breathing down my neck. Even with the fractured hip, I finished ridiculously well. Perspective?

I'm going to train differently this year. Here's what you already knew: I shouldn't be thinking about the other runners. 

There would be no stepping off the path if I was deeper into my own run. Oh you silly girl!  It was there all along. Stop comparing yourself. Stop running scared. Stop thinking about the finish line. 

I just need to enjoy my life, and an enjoyable life will follow.

I've worked my way back up to 5k distances. I'm also cross training for lateral strength. Yoga this afternoon was the cherry on top. 

An enjoyable life. 

Saturday, August 3, 2013

Home Again

No, I wasn't kidnapped by the ashram. 

I did get my 100 hour certificate for teaching yoga, and have additional credits towards my 200 hour certificate. 

My first few days at the ashram were difficult. I worried about getting enough food (3 vegetarian or vegan meals daily, and no offered snacks) and we were on a very strict time schedule. I was on my yoga mat by 7 each morning, and was usually back in my room for a shower between 9:30 or 10 each night. I was surprised at how little sleep I could manage with my funny smelling bed and cardboard pillows. 

We learned and taught every day. My muscles and brain were sore. I didn't go hungry, but my body took on a compact and lean look as it became more functional for yoga. I made friends. I heard their stories and cried with them. They were beautiful. I began to feel at home, and glad that my work desk was a billion miles away. 

A few days before our group left, we noticed that we all had negative feelings about returning to "real life". The ashram was peaceful, and all we had to think about was yoga. Multitasking? Only if you mean listening to the peacocks call as you walk to class in the sunrise, feeling the secrets held in the morning breeze. 

On the tenth day, I did leave, and got into the machine I call my "car". It grumbled to a start, as if complaining about the lengthy neglect. I floated out of the main gate and immediately took a wrong turn, which resulted in my journey into Austin, onto two busy freeways, and an hour later finally to my front door, which was maybe fifteen miles from the ashram in the first place. 

I walked in, anticipating the relief of being home. The house smelled as my memory said it should, but it didn't smell like home anymore. I unpacked my car to get a bit more oriented and give myself time to acclimate. I took a shower, but the water felt strange and smelled musty. I missed the ashram. I sat on my sofa and cried. 

We took a class in reintegration before we left. I thought I'd be so happy to get back to normal that the lecture wasn't meant for me. 

The bottom line is that I found peace and happiness. I came back home, where I have to face some truths, and find my own inner peace. This world asks much of us, earning money, faking truth sometimes, and I feel the discontinuity more than I ever have. 

I love more than I ever have. Maybe that's more important. 

My aloe vera friend, L

My guru, E, and my new mentor C. 















Thursday, July 18, 2013

Pivotal Point

Two days ago, I ran a 5k. I had finally worked my leg time up to that point. I walked the first five minutes, then proceeded to run 5/walk 1 until I hit 2.8 miles. I walked my final .3 to cool down. My hip felt wobbly afterwards, but I was NOT at ALL sore the next day!!!

Did I run again? No. I'm trying to honor this life. I lifted upper body weights and did a few PT moves to continue my lower body strengthening, but without added weights. When I woke up this morning, my right IT band FINALLY stopped clicking!!! I didn't really believe that the strengthening program had been doing any good yet. I thought I had so far to go. My knee has clicked for the last year, begging me to wise up. Crosstrain. You can't just run, silly girl. Not with your lovely hips. 

Tomorrow I journey to the ashram for ten intensive yogic days. They don't serve meat there. I hope I pack everything I need. I worry about the responsibilities I'm leaving behind. I am excited to honor this life and my goals. 

I've treated myself badly for a huge portion of my life. Recently, I've learned to be better to me, but my motives were selfish. I feel a calling to be kind to myself not because I deserve it, but because life is a gift. I want to express by gratitude by accepting, and being thankful. 

Thank you for this life. Thank you!!!

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Work It!

This morning, I weighed in at 129 lbs and 31.my-eyes-were-bulging-too-far-to-focus-on-the-tenths-place% body fat. 

My cholesterol must be sky high with that discrepancy. Considering my weight, that percentage is really high. That BMI puts me in the obese category. I'm 5'4" and wear size small dresses and a 4 or 6 in jeans. 

Even with my injury, I've been fairly active, but I need to spend some time with my Bowflex.  Weights, girl. Let's get physical. 

Do I feel bad? Guilty? Less than? Imperfect?

Hell no. This is me, and this is my life. 

Love me, love my dimples. 

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Moving Along

The more I think about what I want, the happier I am. This is how I know my decisions are right. 

Sometimes I want something, and it actually doesn't feel good. It resonates with me like a neediness, grasping and gasping. In retrospect, it turns out to be the wrong thing. 

My yoga training is coming up fast. Ten days of intense study with limited cell phone access, new people, and no privacy. I've been attending my weekly classes with my favorite instructor, and I know this is the right path for me. Sharing balance with other people is how I want to spend my life. 

Pilates certification will come later this year, and before all is said and done, I'll add certification to be a personal trainer. 

My deep wish is to work in community living environments as a concierge sort of fitness person. I should figure out a better title! I like small group and private environments, and I really want to help people feel their best. I should figure out a better mission statement too. ;)

What do you think? Would you like to go for a brisk walk with me and then lift a few weights? I'll encourage you and help you with proper form, and then we'll stretch afterwards. Sounds like a great day to me!


Sunday, July 7, 2013

Living



Deep Ellum, Dallas.  I love street art. 



And doorways of all kinds. 



I love my Dominique!! We've been best friends for 26 years. My heart swelled when she said she thinks about me every day, because we truly are connected that way. 



A new milestone this week.  My leg kept up well, and I rested the day after. Smart athlete!




My unloved dog, Christi. You can see in her eyes how mistreated she is. 



She never gets anything good. 



J in Florida, thrift store hunting with my mom, who is apparently going to marry her off. 




Wowza. 









Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Monsoon Season

Lawn turf that is well-tended and watered springs back from under your feet after you walk on it.  You know it needs a good watering if it lies limp.

I've been setting an intention every morning to be good in my thoughts and maintain positivity.  I listen to lectures as I get myself ready for work, and appreciate the blessings that I have.  My life is hardly perfect, but I can work on certain things without feeling bad about them.  I don't rely on my day to make me happy; I have been starting those early hours that way. 

I've noticed that there are some really grumpy people around me.  Frowny faces and sour looks stomp themselves around the office and through stores.  Try crossing Lamar and Guadalupe at a crosswalk when it's your right of way; you'll see some seriously angry drivers (I was a fearless pedestrian yesterday!!)  I find myself to be an observer of these attitudes and able to leave the grump-a-lumps to themselves.  I spring back.

I didn't know I could find such peacefulness without my running shoes.  Without my tennis racket.  Without my yoga mat.  Without scrubbing the house top to bottom.  Without love by my side.  It's a constant glow that I can choose to set, because life is inherently good.  Children laugh because life begins good.  My day begins good, too.

I do run a little, and I did yoga yesterday with a lot of modifications.  I garden and I have so many friends, and a J in FL whom I dearly love.  French press coffee is mighty fine, and I recently learned the joy of a fresh mango, which should only be eaten hand to mouth, drippy over a kitchen sink.  Maybe at a backyard patio table.

I can't remember what I've been searching for, or so anxious about.  My career decisions feel so right, and patience will see them through.  I'm grateful I know what the next step is.  I have support form everyone who matters.

It's not raining here in the great state of TX, but I am well-tended. 

I belong wherever I am.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Good Things

Yoga at lunch.

Run/walk is increased this week, allowing for a decent sweaty run.  Can't wait to try it out!!

Heading to Dallas next weekend to see one of my BFF's, my beloved Dom-babe.  I adore her!!

Yes, I'm going to find a trail in the Big D while I'm there.  There's a farmer's market I've been meaning to meander for years, and a museum or two calling my name. 

Yes, it is all very good.

Monday, June 24, 2013

Purpose

Life is to be loved!

J is still in FL, and my hip is slowly getting better. 

I have no time to rush. 

Here and now, I love!