Today is the t-shirt cutoff deadline for Bandera. I thought I was solid on my plans, but today I'm rethinking. Life is funny that way.
Can I add five miles of crazy muddy, rocky terrain in a few weeks? Is it worth the travel and cost, especially given the holidays? Why am I suddenly feeling like accepting a challenge I had dismissed as unsafe for my body?
I've discovered a very gentle new stretch for my hip that has kept my soreness to an amazing minimum. I've also been avoiding yoga classes and doing my own practice, after noticing that my biggest pains came after attending classes.
There's also my ego's desire to push forward, prove that I'm something. I am here! See me! You can't dismiss me so easily! I run in the face of the deepest pain and refuse to feel it. Hmm.
The best of it is my heart's love for the sport, digging deep into my muscles and breath to feel something bigger than myself. Moving through the environment in which my body lives, in this primal form. Meeting others with their own motivations, missing limbs and still perservering towards their goals. All of us together, bruised, bleeding, crying tears of joy at the finish.
I acknowledge all these feelings, conflicting goals and desires. I have the day to decide, and even then, a t-shirt deadline doesn't govern me.
I love, I run, I am me, through it all.