Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Me, Better

12/22/10- Gave gifts yesterday, fell in love with an antique thimble and gold-tipped "sharps" from England.  Was hugged by my yoga teacher.  I woke up today to find a happy girl looking back at me in the mirror.  I remember her...

12/27/10- Had Christmas with my family, that was really a soft spot in a hard place.  Spoke with my Uncle Bernie, whom I hadn't chatted with since I was practically a toddler.  His accent and verbiage were so similar to my late grandad's, and I remain greatly affected.  Interesting how relatives can love you through time and distance.  My stepmom taught me how to knit, and I'm in love with my new hobby.

12/29/10- A blue day, found out I'll be spending New Year's Eve alone.  This will be good for me because I've always been so codependent.  I'm working on a list of kind things to do that evening.  Today I went to the state office to file our business as an LLC, a long-awaited milestone but in the end I chose not to include my name among the two other officers'.  Essentially, I gave my share of business away.  I think I'll be happier in the long run without those worries.  It's time to let this one go.  These things hurt now, but strength is my reward.

12/31/10- Feeling allright.  Gave up on the list of things to do today.  Paycheck went down $50 thanks to the end of the "Make Work Pay" tax credit.  Bummer.  One pound away from seeing my weight land in the 130's.  I hope to wake up tomorrow and see a lovely 139 on the scale; if it's not tomorrow, it will happen within the next couple days.  I'm glad to have my healthy weight back, and I'm stopping by Dots on the way home to pick up a couple pairs of work pants.  Some of my friends miss the happy me.  Maybe I'll see her again in the mirror soon.  Hey happy girl- I haven't given up on you, I just forget you're in there somewhere.  Come on out and keep me company tonight.

1/3/2010- Hello, 139!  Also met my latest Emergency Fund goal in my savings account- no longer freaking out at cash registers.  I feel financially empowered and almost stable.  All things are looking good, and I hope to keep my job this year.  I have a backup menial labor job in the worst case, and I'll keep stashing my cash into savings like a good little squirrel.  C says he will bring in a second income on his end to heal some damage, and this is the first time I actually believe it.  Time tells all; words alone don't mend this heart anymore.

1/5/2011- They announced that they're announcing layoffs in the next few weeks.  I'm scared to death.


Poetry, music, I have loved, yet…

I bend my body to the spade

Or grope with a dirty hand.