12/22/10- Gave gifts yesterday, fell in love with an antique thimble and gold-tipped "sharps" from England. Was hugged by my yoga teacher. I woke up today to find a happy girl looking back at me in the mirror. I remember her...
12/27/10- Had Christmas with my family, that was really a soft spot in a hard place. Spoke with my Uncle Bernie, whom I hadn't chatted with since I was practically a toddler. His accent and verbiage were so similar to my late grandad's, and I remain greatly affected. Interesting how relatives can love you through time and distance. My stepmom taught me how to knit, and I'm in love with my new hobby.
12/29/10- A blue day, found out I'll be spending New Year's Eve alone. This will be good for me because I've always been so codependent. I'm working on a list of kind things to do that evening. Today I went to the state office to file our business as an LLC, a long-awaited milestone but in the end I chose not to include my name among the two other officers'. Essentially, I gave my share of business away. I think I'll be happier in the long run without those worries. It's time to let this one go. These things hurt now, but strength is my reward.
12/31/10- Feeling allright. Gave up on the list of things to do today. Paycheck went down $50 thanks to the end of the "Make Work Pay" tax credit. Bummer. One pound away from seeing my weight land in the 130's. I hope to wake up tomorrow and see a lovely 139 on the scale; if it's not tomorrow, it will happen within the next couple days. I'm glad to have my healthy weight back, and I'm stopping by Dots on the way home to pick up a couple pairs of work pants. Some of my friends miss the happy me. Maybe I'll see her again in the mirror soon. Hey happy girl- I haven't given up on you, I just forget you're in there somewhere. Come on out and keep me company tonight.
1/3/2010- Hello, 139! Also met my latest Emergency Fund goal in my savings account- no longer freaking out at cash registers. I feel financially empowered and almost stable. All things are looking good, and I hope to keep my job this year. I have a backup menial labor job in the worst case, and I'll keep stashing my cash into savings like a good little squirrel. C says he will bring in a second income on his end to heal some damage, and this is the first time I actually believe it. Time tells all; words alone don't mend this heart anymore.
1/5/2011- They announced that they're announcing layoffs in the next few weeks. I'm scared to death.
Poetry, music, I have loved, yet…
I bend my body to the spade
Or grope with a dirty hand.