Thursday, February 17, 2011

Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been?

I've just been waiting.  It's a hard way to spend time. 

My happiness hat hangs on my head alone, and I set mini-goals and accomplish them.  Then I wait some more.

If you've been watching Texas news, you know what I mean.  Big Bro doesn't know what he's doing with his favorite employees.  This month and September are full of announcements for my particular wing.  So far I'm still in the nest but every Friday brings a new wave of fear that my passwords have been revoked and I'll be escorted from my paycheck.

If you followed me here last year, you also know that my income hat hangs on my head alone.  I've picked up a second job as a freelance writer and I'm currently under a two-month contract to edit and format Word docs.  Then I wait some more. 

I've picked up running again to burn off some of this excess energy.  I'm well-conditioned through yoga and my OCD cleaning tendencies, but I feel the need for more cardio, and more push.  I've burned through my last pair of running shoes and I'll have to hit RunTex to pick up a new pair by the end of the week.  Some things can't be dictated by budget, like knees.

Goals met so far this year- I'm finally back into my size 6's and couldn't possibly lose more than 15 additional pounds.  I socked away 4 digits in savings and I'm growing that for a new goal to be met by the end of March.  I regularly do things like put gas in my car, go to various stores, even run impromptu errands as needed.  I immediately take care of things that arrive in the mail demanding my attention, and I have current copies of my credit reports.

Goals to meet- I need to take better care of myself during the workday.  I'd like to pick up my knitting again after this next round of LO's.  I need to put stress aside and tune in to my daughter a little more deeply in my home time. 

I still need to figure out this mess with me and C- I've really just put all my needs on hold in that department thinking it's best for J right now.  Everyone else is happy but I'm working my butt off for everyone else's happiness.  Maybe that's part of being a parent.  I'm amazed at how long I've pushed my personal tendencies/desires to the background for what I believe is J's best interest.  I certainly don't need another Arnold Friend descending into my present world!  But really, I need to figure out if C is that character or not.  I really just don't know.  Time hasn't helped a whole lot.

I'll keep waiting while I run, knit, gas my car, work, love my J.