Thursday, June 23, 2011

The Matter of Things

Can you force yourself to have better perspective?  Or is that just like trying to tickle yourself?  They say you can't do it because a part of your brain knows it's about to happen and blocks your nerve receptors from reacting.

I miss my daughter.  Since everything I do is for her, and I honestly believe that I'm a better person because of her, everything without her has become meaningless.  The mean people in the world seem meaner and the work I do for money to live in a big decorated house seems silly.

They say that this time without her is good for me and I'm supposed to enjoy it on some level.  That doesn't exist in me anywhere.  I always held a belief that I was nothing before I had her, and I find myself back in that place.  They're probably right about it being good for me.

And yes, work will always be work.  It can't matter how I'm treated.  It can't matter that LO's are just two weeks away. 

What matters is not here.  She's gone for a couple more months.

A list of things that are good:
  • yesterday's rain
  • downtown architecture
  • french press coffee in a crystal carafe
  • fresh haircuts
  • stuffed squash from my garden