You know I hate stopping for gas. I always get nervous that my card won't go through and I'll have a public humiliation moment.
Since the credit card was cloned this summer, I make sure I walk my card in to the cashier. This increases the possibility of the public humilitaion moment.
I really wanted to have enough gas to get to work this morning. I didn't want to stand in the dark, chilly air pumping smelly fluid and face possible public humiliation. You know that I used to have panic attacks about this.
Age has some benefits. I've found my own ways to be brave. I know that even when the blues sing their songs, they have a specific cause that are a result of my choices.
This morning, I focused on my confidence in my bank balance, started my car and drove to the gas station. Once there, I parked my car on the correct side of the pump and placed my keys and credit card within easy reach. I popped open the gas tank and NOT the trunk. Good job!
I pressed buttons on the gas pump and a human voice talked to me. I think it was, because the pattern wasn't automatedly perfect and sounded Southern enough. So I talked back to the pump and thanked it. I hope other people do this and I was not having a public humiliation moment.
I went inside to pay (like a normal person would) and had a lovely, smooth transaction. Will this ever get easier? I didn't used to have this fear.
I was congratulating myself smugly through my commute and was rewarded with a migraine. I love driving while blind on the right side! My rear-view mirror disappeared, so I stayed put in center lane and well back from the car in front of me. I have an emergency medicine that dissolves on the tongue, but finding with my numb right hand in a purse I couldn't see, then opening the outer foil packet ("tear here"!), then the inner sealed pod ("peel here"!) was frustrating while driving. I didn't believe I could safely change lanes to the right or even make sound decisions. Status quo. Breathe. Pray.
That emergency med worked. By the time I inched my way downtown, I could see. Even now I can read/type and there is no headache pain. My upper back hurts like I have whiplash but I'm good. I faced my biggest fear and I'm good.
I don't create all my own problems. Maybe just many of them. Let's be a little more self-loving when those rough times come around.