Wednesday, March 20, 2013

In Case I Haven't Been Clear

I don't know everything.  Ask me twice about something, and I'm likely to change my answer to suit you better the second time.

I've been contemplating this a lot lately, since life has a way of tossing the same lessons at you again and again until you learn.  The other option is to spend your whole life suffering form the very thing you can learn.  It seems I'm surrounded by these situations, where I just don't trust my own opinion.

I've said it here before, that the only time I'm completely sure of my own self is when I'm in Mama Bear mode.  When it comes to my daughter, my opinion RULES and I believe in myself.  I see mistakes and I often alter what I do the next time, but my actions are deliberate and my thoughts are extremely clear.

I listened to one of my favorite lecturers this morning, and she spoke directly on this topic.  It is my choice to allow doubt in.  I can choose to trust in my own abilities as a person.  Time and time again, I fail this test.  Time and time again, I have to prove to myself that I belong here.  Time and time again, I am overly sensitive to being left behind and being left out.

What does it take?  How much do I have to lose before I can make this change that I want so badly?  How much of my past do I have to thoroughly examine and understand to be able to move forward?  I've done my homework!  Let me pass!

This life is mine.

Have faith in yourself, girl.  Give to yourself what you so freely give to others- benefit of the doubt.

"Someday" is too late.