Monday, April 22, 2013

Monday Work Day

The only thing that ever works is for me to get sick of my own behaviour.  I've been a pouty mess this week.  Every night, too much alcohol.  7 days of drowning my misery.

Enough, enough, enough.  This weekend, I did have beautiful days.  I screwed up at the last minute.  I managed to prove that even the most perfect days can end with self destruction.

I realized this morning that I've had this pattern for some time: work out or drink.  Maybe what has happened is a good thing.  Without the workout, I see my weakness.  I don't want to be like this.  Running, tennis, yoga, can't be my crutch.  I want to be healthy.  Strong.  Somewhat insensitive.

My MRI will be interpreted in a couple days.  Tonight I'll find a way to safely workout because I need it.  Tomorrow I will neither workout nor drink.  Wednesday I'll face whatever reality awaits. 

So what.  We move forward.  Don't take it so hard.

Lonely girl, it's okay to feel lonely.  Things happen and there won't always be somebody there to hold you through it. 

The important thing to know is NOT that you don't need it, but that it will be there in its own time.  TRUST.