Saturday, August 3, 2013

Home Again

No, I wasn't kidnapped by the ashram. 

I did get my 100 hour certificate for teaching yoga, and have additional credits towards my 200 hour certificate. 

My first few days at the ashram were difficult. I worried about getting enough food (3 vegetarian or vegan meals daily, and no offered snacks) and we were on a very strict time schedule. I was on my yoga mat by 7 each morning, and was usually back in my room for a shower between 9:30 or 10 each night. I was surprised at how little sleep I could manage with my funny smelling bed and cardboard pillows. 

We learned and taught every day. My muscles and brain were sore. I didn't go hungry, but my body took on a compact and lean look as it became more functional for yoga. I made friends. I heard their stories and cried with them. They were beautiful. I began to feel at home, and glad that my work desk was a billion miles away. 

A few days before our group left, we noticed that we all had negative feelings about returning to "real life". The ashram was peaceful, and all we had to think about was yoga. Multitasking? Only if you mean listening to the peacocks call as you walk to class in the sunrise, feeling the secrets held in the morning breeze. 

On the tenth day, I did leave, and got into the machine I call my "car". It grumbled to a start, as if complaining about the lengthy neglect. I floated out of the main gate and immediately took a wrong turn, which resulted in my journey into Austin, onto two busy freeways, and an hour later finally to my front door, which was maybe fifteen miles from the ashram in the first place. 

I walked in, anticipating the relief of being home. The house smelled as my memory said it should, but it didn't smell like home anymore. I unpacked my car to get a bit more oriented and give myself time to acclimate. I took a shower, but the water felt strange and smelled musty. I missed the ashram. I sat on my sofa and cried. 

We took a class in reintegration before we left. I thought I'd be so happy to get back to normal that the lecture wasn't meant for me. 

The bottom line is that I found peace and happiness. I came back home, where I have to face some truths, and find my own inner peace. This world asks much of us, earning money, faking truth sometimes, and I feel the discontinuity more than I ever have. 

I love more than I ever have. Maybe that's more important. 

My aloe vera friend, L

My guru, E, and my new mentor C.