Sunday, September 22, 2013

Imperfection

My suffering caused somebody else to suffer today. Actually, two people suffered. For each of us, it was very real. 

If I'd known it would have turned out that way, I would have done something different. I still don't know what. 

I was so self-absorbed, I couldn't see the effects I was having on other people. I was selfish and thinking only of yours truly. 

There comes a point when your actions create a path that you don't necessarily control. We're not alone in this world. I acted as if I was. I tried to keep on my own path, but I failed. I was stepping on people by the end. 

I've spent an entire day feeling like my "old" self. I feel stupid, worthless, and undeserving of any kindness. I don't feel like I can breathe. I wish I could run away from life. 

I hate that I caused someone to feel exactly the kind of pain that I know so well. Lost. Left. Alone. It's horrible. 

I'm sorry. I can try better next time, no matter what crisis I feel. I can be more aware. 

I can. 

I'm so sorry.