Monday, December 9, 2013

Decker Done

I have no idea why I was doubting Decker. I postponed signup until the day before, and wasn't really thrilled to run it for any reason other than to keep up my training. 

I seem to have a love/hate thing going on with events. 

This one was only perfection. 

I started easy, thinking I'd intentionally place late in the game. I just wanted to love the run and forget the clock. I wanted to yoga breathe my way through it. So many runs in the past have been riddled with negative emotion. 

I truly stripped myself of all preconceived notion, and ran from my heart. What does than even mean? Give me better concrete language... 

Inhale for two, exhale for three. Keep picking up my feet and setting them down, tap, tap, tap on the pavement. Open my stride and stretch into the downhills. Baby step the up hills and breathe just as easily to the top. Walk? I just didn't feel the need. 

The mileage signs ticked away before my eyes. Another one? I'm not ready to be done. I'm here. I'm present. 

I am me, undefined. 

My time turned out to be just a few minutes off from my best record, before my hip fracture and lung infection. The biggest difference between then and now is that I'm no longer angry or depressed or alone or left behind. 

I belong. 

I did sign up for Bandera, 5 weeks away. I do have an ego, but I know I'm doing this next run for the right reasons.